THE REAL, COMPLETELY TRUE, TOTALLY NOT-MADE-UP COPYRIGHTED SECRET ORIGIN OF MEYER ROWLING

(Publisher’s Note: we recognize the fact that we have previously leaked the Secret Origins of Meyer Rowling, most notably in 1986, during the ‘Crisis on Infinite Meyer Rowlings”, and again every three or four years or so, but this time it’s totally not fake. We swear.* )

*(Actually, it’s a little bit fake. Until July of last year it was 35% fake, but then we revised it so that it’s now 70% fake. The 30% that’s real we’re going to repackage as an entire comics line ghostwritten by the best writers in Continental North America plus the two women we’re contractually obligated to include.)

Meyer Rowling had everything a successful author could want: a butler; a private island (which he shared with Stephen King, Award-Winning Neil Gaiman,  Tom Clancy, and Amanda Hocking); an agent who didn’t understand the term ‘involuntary servitude’; a functional thyroid; and an optional caffeine addiction – everything, that is, except the most important thing – validation.

In desperation, Meyer Rowling went on a pilgramage to the sacred place where all of the great decisions in publishing are made: the bar behind Jeff Bezos’ house.

“I need validation,” Meyer Rowling said to the bartender.

“So do I,” said the bearded man on the next barstool. “I could have been worth a hundred billion dollars by now.”

“I think you’ve had enough, Paul,” the bartender said, taking his glass. “Why don’t you go play with your Jimi Hendrix dolls? That always cheers you up.”

“I told you, it isn’t a doll,” Paul said.

“Lalalalalalalalala,” said the bartender. “I can’t hear you.” He turned to Meyer Rowling. “Why do you need validation?”

“I’m a world-famous author that no one knows about,” said Meyer Rowling.

“What have you written?” asked the bartender.

“Nothing yet,” said Meyer Rowling, “but when I do, it’ll be $23.99 in hardcover.”

“Mmmm,” said the bartender. “I think you’re supposed to write a book, first. Then you get rich, and famous, and get discounts from loyal fans who work the drive-thru window at Taco Bell.”

“But how?” Meyer Rowling wailed. “With a name as forgettable as ‘Meyer Rowling’, I’m bound to be a failure. I need a real author’s name… Something like ‘Snooki’ or ‘James Frey’ or ‘Dude, You Bought A Dell!’.”

“You don’t need a special name,” the bartender said. “You just need to find that one great story that you can totally exploit for fame and fortune. You know, like I did.”

“You’re an author?” Meyer Rowling asked. “What did you write?”

“Lots of stuff!” he exclaimed. “Great Expectations and a Bartender, and The Odyssey and a Bartender, and How To Win Friends And Influence People And a Bartender. They’re all available for the nook and the kindle, and you can find the links to the books on my facebook and twitter, although social media ought to be used as a method to share one’s philosophies and make new friends, and not to merely sell books. I’ll review yours if you’ll review mine. You go first so I can tell whether or not I like your book.”

“Urrrp!” Meyer Rowling belched. “What?”

“I think that counts as a ‘like’,” the bartender said. “You ought to work for Kirkus.”

“Well, thanks anyway,” Meyer Rowling said, stepping away from the bar. “What did you say your name was, again?”

“Steve Case,” the bartender said. “And feel free to take a handful of coasters with you. They’re all version 9.0 you know.”

“Thanks,” said Meyer Rowling, who opened the door, despairing of ever finding that one, special story that would make the name Meyer Rowling famous and special and something people name their babies because it’s cool and would get him invited on the MTV Movie Awards to re-enact a ‘Best Kiss’ with Kristen Stewart, Emma Watson, or Taylor Lautner, whichever is sitting closest to the stage, when out of nowhere a huge, haggard man dropped out of the sky on a flying vacuum cleaner, landing directly on top of the werewolf who had been waiting in the shadows to pounce on the unsuspecting Meyer Rowling.

“Thanks for saving me from the werewolf,” Meyer Rowling said to the huge, haggard man. “What’s your name?”

“Haggard,” said the man. “Usually, I spend my time riding around with the Heck’s Angels, when I’m not tending my garden. But tonight, I had to come here to find him.” He was pointing at the werewolf who was gasping for breath underneath the vacuum, which was the old heavy canister kind, and not a Dyson, although if Dyson wanted to make a flying vacuum, they totally could do that.

“Me?” the werewolf, whose name was Ralph, panted. “Why? I’m nothing special – I’m just a werewolf who likes to wait in the shadows to jump out and scare authors – you know, like royalty statements. And besides, when you landed on me, you hit my head with the Hoover sucker attachment thingie. I’ll have a scar.”

“You’re needed,” said Haggard, “to fulfill your destiny by rescuing a girl named Beauty from a vampire who sparkles because he likes to sit on car batteries.”

“I always knew I was special,” said Ralph, “like authors are. That’s probably why you came looking for me, right?”

“No,” said Haggard. “It’s because you’re a Hairy Wizard.”

“Mmmm,” Meyer Rowling mused as Ralph and Haggard flew away on the non-Dyson vacuum. “’Hairy Wizard with a scar’. I could do something with that.”

******

The rest is history. Except for the part about kissing Kristen Stewart, although Meyer Rowling would totally be up for planting one on Emma Watson, and even Taylor Lautner would be a coin toss.

Below is a candid portrait of the author in residence at the castle on RollingInIt Island.

 

The rest of the works of Meyer Rowling can be found here:

http://coppervale.livejournal.com/292251.html

 

Cartographers & Mythographers

There are two items for sale at the Coppervale Marketplace which are often overlooked, but which are among the best bargains we offer (and ordering either qualifies you for the drawing to win one of the three pieces of original art – see earlier posts – from Catherynne M. Valente’s book, UNDER IN THE MERE!)

The first is the trade paperback of THE SEARCH FOR THE RED DRAGON. The hardcovers are lovely, but I have a soft spot for this particular edition of the paperback – which is NOT part of the current matching set of the paperbacks that have the double covers. This was the earlier edition, released before the hardcover of THE INDIGO KING – and what makes it special (to me) is on the back. It features the ORIGINAL cover art for TIK… which is NOT the art we ended up using. Instead, it depicts the Cartographer being exiled to the Keep of Time. It’s a beautiful, subtle piece… and that small image is the only place it can be seen in print.

When you add in the Dragon sketch I’ll draw inside (something I’m starting to limit to one per overall order, due to workload and time constraints), ten bucks is a pretty good price.

The second item is the largest color piece we offer in the art prints category – and the least expensive! It’s the full-color, heavy-stock promotional poster for the continuation of the STARCHILD: MYTHOPOLIS storyline I was doing in my graphic novel series, which was intended to start again in 2003, but actually took a few more years to do (with the first installment, from Desperado Publishing). It’s one of my favorite color pieces, and is going to resonate very strongly with the announcement I’m making in a day or two. Signed, it’s a bargain at ten bucks, and looks great on a kid’s bedroom wall.


As I mentioned, ordering either (or both!) of these qualifies you for the drawing for the art. More good fun coming – watch this space!

The Merchant Prince & The Girl Who Reinvented Fairyland

I’ve had the great pleasure of working with Catherynne M. Valente (who is currently taking over the publishing world via a Ship of her own making) twice: first, illustrating her story “The Ballad of the Sinister Mr. Mouth” for the book RAVENS IN THE LIBRARY; and again, illustrating the interiors and cover for her brilliant novella, UNDER IN THE MERE.

I love Catherynne, and so do a lot of other people. So I don’t think she’ll mind my invoking her name in the process of broadening readers’ exposure to our work. I wanted to do something special to help jumpstart the awareness of the new Coppervale website, and the work Catherynne and I did together is just what I need to do that: because I still have three pieces of the original art from UNDER IN THE MERE… and I’m going to be giving it away.

All you have to do is place an order from the New Coppervale Marketplace during the month of June, and your name will (literally) be put into a hat, whence I shall draw three names out, and award the original art to the winners. That’s IT.

We’re in the middle of June, and already started – if you ordered anything in the last few weeks, you’re already entered; but every order is a separate entry – so if you’ve had your eye on that PROMETHEA print, or the International Studio set, now’s the time!

The pieces (which were designed as a contemporary Tarot, featuring Arthurian characters) are: Lancelot, The Hanged Man…

 

Morgan le Fay, as Judgement…

And Galahad as The Hermit (a personal favorite).

And, as a bonus prize, I’ll also be offering a signed, sketched-in copy of UNDER IN THE MERE, featuring a drawing of the character (from the book) of your choice. I bet we can even talk Cat into signing it, too.  🙂


I rarely sell original art, so this is an excellent chance to get a piece at an excellent price – free – just by purchasing something else cool that you already wanted. Is this a wonderful world or what?

Welcome To The New Mythology!

Mythologies are huge, sweeping things. And the grandest stories are those with the widest arcs of triumph and despair. As much as we may want to, we may not be able to avoid the despair – but triumph is a matter of will.

The best thing about mythologies though, is that they’re always being rewritten. There are always opportunities to change, to make choices. And if sometimes it seems as if your story has been written in stone – well, that’s what hammers are for. Shatter the stone and write a new story in the sand that will be too wondrous to forget, no matter how many tides may try to sweep it away.

The Coppervale website has been reworked; the Coppervale Studio is bursting at the seams with new projects; and I am ready with hammer in hand to shape the stories.

We’ve been reworking the website for several weeks now, and while there is still a lot of work to be done, we have enough ready that it was time to pull back the curtain and open the gates.

Herein, we are offering all the work which has come before, and all the works I am currently creating. We are selling books, and art, and comics, and ebooks, and all manner of wonderful things. And the lists will be updated often; new material will be added to each category, including descriptions, secret histories, and original content.

Special offers will abound – the first of which I’ll announce later tonight – and will be frequent, and worth looking for.

My online sketchbook and jounal, The Wonder Cabinet: Words From the Romantic Underground, until now based at livejournal, will now be here, and mirrored to the old location.

Bookmark the address; bookmark the blog; and keep your focus on what’s going to be happening – I promise, t will be extraordinary.

Welcome to the new Coppervale. Welcome to the New Mythology.